The Good Stuff

These are the things that I'm loving today, this week.... or just until my body decides to hate them.

Now that the nausea has returned I don't really have an appetite for anything except these two items. It's so weird how that happens. I actually love any frozen-fruity treat. Jambas are another favorite but you can't buy a Jamba every day so these popsicles are perfect. They are 100% juice but only have 1/4 the sugar that juice does. Delish!!

And these are my new Target pants!

They don't look that great in this picture but I think they're pretty cute and comfy! I'm not using all the stretch tummy material yet, but I'm sure I will in the next few months. Until then, I'll just enjoy the comfort!

The Return

Well Hello Nausea!

Welcome back! I wasn't expecting you... but that's how you roll, isn't it?

Regretfully Yours,

Julie

P.S. Are you going to stay long? Just wondering.

The BEST feeling in the world....

is knowing that you are in my belly, Baby!
We went to an appointment yesterday and you are still there!!! Daddy and I are SO excited! We both went in hoping for the best but knowing that the possibility that things were not good was there also. The doctor did say that a loss of symptoms can be a sign of miscarriage so we are glad it was not in this case!

You are so cute in there!! When you first appeared on the screen you were laying on your back with your arms and legs bent. We have a fantastic doctor who shows us extra care and support. He spent time with us to make sure we got to see that everything was ok. You were moving a lot. It was SO cute! You must have decided you needed to stretch out because you pushed your legs out and stretched. How darling! Your little legs are so skinny and cute. Besides your little head and body, we got to see your arms, legs, eyes and bladder. I can't wait till we can feel you moving around! We just love you to pieces, little Baby!
Love,
Mommy

All scrunched up!

Stretching!! Good thing I can't feel it yet!

The Name

Dearest Baby... who will soon have a name,
We've had quite some time to think of names for you! Although we don't know your gender, we have two beautiful names picked out.

James Hamilton

and

Mary Alice

Both names are dear to our hearts. The boy name, of course, is your father and grandfather's name. Two great men with wonderful qualities who have worked hard to set a good example and provide for their families. The second name belongs to your great-grandmother. She is a noble woman who keeps her covenants and continues with a positive attitude and great faith.

I hope that some day you will understand the importance of your name and love the people/person you were named after as much as I do.

I love you!

Love,

Mommy

The Faith of a Child

Dear Baby,
We are so blessed. Your Aunt Rachelle just told me something beautiful. She told me about when your cousin Juliana started fasting last year after she was baptized in July. Rachelle asked her what she was going to fast for and she told her mom she was going to fast for me. Juliana didn't know why she was fasting for me but felt like she should. That just touches my heart more than words can express.
Daddy also told me about another close friend of ours that has been praying for me. I don't see this person very often. Maybe once a year. But every morning he prays with his family. They pray for whoever comes to their mind and they kept thinking of me. I am so grateful to him and his family.
These things show me that my Heavenly Father is watching over me and cares for me. At some points during the past year I was not able to fast or pray for myself. But I had no idea, until now, that I was receiving strength because of the faith of a small child and a good friend. I know that it was because of people like them that I was able to get through last year. My Heavenly Father carried me through those times. He is always aware of us and will make our burdens light.
We are loved!
Love,
Mommy

The Bump?

Dear Baby,
Yesterday I started noticing that I may be developing a small bump. A baby bump! There is a little extra padding on my belling as it is, so it doesn't really show; but along my belly, in between my hip bones, my stomach is getting harder. I guess that must be my uterus expanding. I love reading my baby books that show what is happening week by week. Every week there is a picture of your actually size and I like to hold it up to my belling and imagine you in there. I can't believe you are actually there growing and developing into the baby that we will get to see in 28 weeks! I can't wait!
I love you!
Love,
Mommy

The Symptoms

Dear Baby,
Are you there? The symptoms are gone. They just disappeared on Saturday and I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, it feels great to not have to hold down vomit all day. But on the other hand, it makes me so nervous because I don't feel pregnant at all anymore. I'm not tired, I actually feel like I could be loosing weight and my stomach seems like it's getting flatter. When I woke up Saturday morning, I felt just like I did when I woke up from my D&C last year. Everything was gone. That time I knew for sure even the baby was gone. Right now I'm just confused. I tried to look it up on the internet. I hate doing that because then I'm just reading other ladies' experiences and everyone is different. Maybe I should call my doctor but I don't know. I was really nervous several weeks ago when I started bleeding but everything ended up being fine. I have an appointment on the 15th so I guess I should just wait. I keep telling myself that there's nothing the doctors can do about it if something is wrong and that I should wait for the appointment. The little baby ticker says that you are 2 inches long this week. I hope so! I really, really want you to be growing!
I hope you're doing ok, Baby. I love you!
Love,
Mommy

The.....fear.

Dear Baby,
It is two more weeks until we get to see you again. We are coming into the 12th week which is a week I fear. It was this week last time that we were told that we would not get to see and hold our baby in September.
That was the worst day of my life.
I was not prepared to hear that, but how could a person ever be ready? How can you prepare to hear that the baby you have been hoping and praying for stopped growing? That its little heart stopped beating. There was nothing we could do, and we tried everything we knew how to do. I sobbed and sobbed in that room while daddy just held me.
When the tears stopped, the doctor told us we should think about having a procedure to remove it. I left the appointment in a daze. I walked to the car, not feeling where I was stepping. What happened? Why did it happen? How can I dream of a child's giggle, their little toes and sun-kissed cheeks one second, and the next second it's all gone?
That was so hard.
But I learned so much. This is real sorrow. I had been the clueless one before. I didn't understand people in this situation. But now I do. And Heavenly Father, in his wisdom knew that I would need that sorrow and understanding in the future. I trust him and his plan for me.
We haven't been sharing the news that you're coming just yet. But we want to! We want everyone to be excited and in as much anticipation as we are. But no one will feel the pain like we do. They don't go to bed at night hoping that this time will be the time. And that soon we will get to start the family we've been dreaming of. And the daily reminders, possibly for the rest of our lives, that there should be another plate at the dinner table and another smile in the family portrait. So we will wait for a few more weeks.
I hope that when we have our next appointment that you have grown and that you are progressing like you should. I hope that I am doing everything that I am supposed to do for you. I hope that in October I can hold you.
Daddy said the cutest thing yesterday. I told him that since we won't be in our own place and since it would help with our budget that I won't plan on decorating a nursery. He said, "What?? Of course you will! This is our baby! We're going all out! We can be cheap on you and me but not on the baby!" He is so excited to be your daddy! He's going to be a such a great daddy!
I love you baby!
Love,
Mommy

Oh, the smells!!

Sweet Baby!

Daddy decided to make some chicken that we bought at Costco a couple weeks ago. We bought it after trying it on a sample day and it was one of those chickens that is marinated in sauce. It seemed like a great idea at the time.... but that was before nausea was in full effect! I COULD NOT take a sniff or I would start dry heaving! I'm sure it wasn't a bad smell, and when he finished making tacos they didn't look bad, but the smell! Oh, the smell!! So yes, I am still in that phase. Nothing sounds good, smells good, or tastes good. But it doesn't matter, we got to see you again today!!! You are so much bigger than two weeks ago! I just can't believe how much you've grown! We are so happy that you are doing so well still! I'm trying not to get too excited because you never know what could happen, but I do allow myself some peeks into the baby section when I go to the store. We saw your head and your spine and your arms and legs! That little spine! I've never been so happy to see a spine in my whole life! I will see if I can scan the last two pictures that the doctor gave us. I am over the moon excited! I love you!

Love,

Mommy

There you are!!

I had to tie this shirt around my nose so I didn't have to hold it there all night! =)

The Heartbeat

Dearest Baby,

I heard your heartbeat yesterday and it was the most beautiful sound! You are so small still but I could see you moving around and I could see your heart fluttering. It was my second appointment and second ultra sound. The first one was too early to see anything, but yesterday we saw you and got to bring a picture home. I’m so happy that things are still going well. I pray every day that you will be healthy and that we will get to hold you someday soon. I love you so much!

Love,

Mommy

Hello, Baby!!

What I am craving:

Fruit! I can’t get enough of berries. Yesterday all I could stomach eating were blueberries. I was really nauseous and couldn’t imagine eating anything except for blueberries. I got some strawberries so I could eat those today.

I am very nauseous and never have an appetite for anything!!! If it comes in liquid form I am usually ok, but other than that I have to force it down. I am happy to feel this way if it means I get to hold my baby in 7 more months!

I found relief!!

While laying on the couch for the second day in a row, I began to get annoyed that I felt so nauseous. I started searching for remedies online and all I found were a bunch of sob stories about how nauseous everyone was. I definitely feel their pain, but I’m all about fixing the problem, not bathing in it! So I had an idea…the truth is I have a secret desire to be a yoga guru, which led me to investigate “yoga during pregnancy” on youtube. I found some great videos and after watching a couple, I rounded up the desire to get off the couch and try one. It felt WONDERFUL! The first relief I have had since laying in the shower earlier today. I decided to do a couple more poses and they also felt great. The only down side is that I’m weak and I have to stop sometime… at which point the nausea returns. Oh well, at least I know what I can do to get a break from that feeling! I may be on the road to yoga guru after all. Thanks, Baby!